Lucius Dei
by Leigh Adams15
Summary: Narcissa reflects on a love that once was.


**Title**: Lucius Dei (1/1)  
**Author**: Leigh Adams  
**Characters**: Remus Lupin/Narcissa Malfoy  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Word Count**: 1,390  
**Summary**: Narcissa reflects on a love that once was.  
**Author's Notes**: This was written for my friend Seraph as part of the Summer Activity at the LiveJournal community HP Wishes. Her request was Remus/Narcissa with the phrase "_Though my memories fade, I still feel you_" as the prompt. This is a...loose interpretation of that. I've never written this pairing before, so I hope this is close to what you were hoping for, Seraph!

* * *

It was well past the witching hour when a tall, cloaked figure slipped past the old stone church and into the tiny graveyard. The air was eerily silent, devoid of sound save for the whisper of her cloak over the neatly trimmed grass that lay between headstones, and there was a nip in the air that signaled the oncoming autumn.  
A ray of moonlight broke through the low-hanging clouds, casting a sliver of light over the hooded figure's face and illuminating elongated, elegant features; pale skin and equally pale hair.

There were two new stones in the corner of the graveyard; a husband and wife, side by side in death as they had been during the last years of their lives. The figure stopped in front of them and let the cloak fall back.

Narcissa Malfoy's blue eyes were soft as she gazed down at the two tombstones at her feet. It had been years since she'd laid eyes on her niece; since severing ties with Andromeda, the only chance she'd had to see her sister's child had been in passing. She actually couldn't remember ever saying a word to the girl, a thought that grieved her now.

But she wasn't here to visit Nymphadora.

"Hello, Remus," she whispered, crouching down in front of the headstone. Her knees creaked with resistance, causing little spasms of pain to shoot up her legs. They were just another reminder of the passing days that aged her- something her former lover would never again experience.

It had been over ten years since they had been together, but Narcissa could still remember the way his hands felt against her skin.

She remembered everything.

Her marriage to Lucius had been arranged, of course, and though her mother had assured her that she would learn to love the Malfoy heir, Narcissa did _not_ harbor any affection for her betrothed. He was snide, arrogant, and cold; he cared nothing for _her_, only for the dowry that marrying a Black would bring.

It was always about money with Lucius. If he wasn't obsessing over money, he was preoccupied with social status. She supposed that was normal for a man like him; after all, the Malfoys had only been considered a prominent family since the sixteenth century, but it _bored_ her. She was a Black and deserved to be treated as a woman of talent, poise and breeding. She was _not_ some brood mare on which to build a legacy.

When Lucius had informed her that he had taken a mistress, it hadn't surprised her. It was an old, pureblood tradition, and Narcissa could not fault him for that. She was not naïve enough to be ignorant of his affair with her own sister. It would be permissible for her to take a lover as well, he'd said.

After she gave him an heir, of course.

Draco had been born a little over a year after they'd wed, right before the Dark Lord had fallen. Her husband had nearly fallen with him, though through a bit of skillful political maneuvering, he managed to slither free of imprisonment. Her sister and cousin were not so lucky, though.

Narcissa knew that Sirius was nothing more than a scapegoat for the Ministry; the idea of her disowned Gryffindor cousin as a Death Eater was nearly laughable. Yet he rotted away in Azkaban alongside Bellatrix and Rodolphus.

She had met Remus for the first time in a dingy pub off Knockturn Alley. Lucius was preoccupied- in French with his latest mistress, she could only presume- and Draco was spending the weekend with his grandparents in Yorkshire. It was one of the few times Narcissa could remember being left entirely to herself, with neither husband nor child to answer to.

The feeling was positively _liberating_.

_Too many drinks had been consumed by both parties, but neither of them could bring themselves to care. Not when Narcissa was pressed up against the wall, trapped there by a warm, hard body against hers. Remus was one of Sirius' lot; bloody noble Gryffindors and dirt poor to boot. But his hands felt__**so**__good against her body._

_Lucius had never kissed her like this, that she was sure of. Remus kissed her as if he would die if he couldn't. One strong thigh wedged between her slim pair, and his firm, capable hands grasped her hips, holding her to the wall as his lips continued to learn hers._

_She was impatient for his touch, and her own delicate hands slid beneath his thin shirt to caress the hot skin beneath. Perfectly manicured nails raked over his stomach, leaving angry red trails in their wake as she kissed and nipped at his lips._

_"Bed," she whispered, her voice low with desire and drink. She gave a subtle roll of her hips against his thigh, lips twitching when he groaned. "__**Now**__."_

_Remus pulled away, struggling to focus on her pale, ethereal face. "I don't have much," he murmured, doubt creeping into his voice as he caught his breath. "I-"_

_Reaching up, Narcissa fisted her hands in his hair and brought his lips back to hers in a brutal, breathless kiss. "I don't care," she whispered hotly in his ear. "Just take me there."_

"I don't care," she whispered again in the night, reaching out to trace her fingers over the engraved headstone. "And I still don't."

Her marriage with Lucius had been happy at times. They generally ignored one another in private unless it was for Draco's benefit, and in public, they appeared to be a loving, supportive couple. As long as the outside was perfect, no one tried to look past and see the inner workings of their family.

Her affair with Remus had ended shortly before Draco had started Hogwarts. Things had changed between them; no longer did she reach for his touch like she would die without it. The passion between them had faded from a furious, blazing storm to a low, simmering desire. It was everything she had ever wanted in a relationship, more than she had thought she would ever find.

She was in love with him.

In the end, Remus had been the one to walk away. She had begged, cried, _pleaded_ with him not to leave her, but he had stood firm. She was too good for him, he'd said, too _pure_- a fact which had made her laugh because of the irony. She deserved more than what he could give her, and his_condition_ made him unfit to help raise a child.

"You were happier without me, weren't you?" she asked the air softly. "With Nymphadora, I mean. She made you happier than I did." She fell silent and glanced to the left, towards the old stone church. Ten years, and she still missed him as though their affair had ended yesterday.

"Our sons are cousins," Narcissa said with a soft, hollow laugh. "I suppose some would find that funny, though I fail to see the humor. I sometimes think about it, you know. What would have happened if I had let our child live." Her hand drifted to rest on her stomach, and she closed her eyes to ward off the painful memory that still haunted her. "I wonder if that's what made you leave me."

A soft breeze blew through the graveyard, causing small tendrils of blonde hair to stir and fly about her face. She opened her eyes, focusing her gaze on the marble stone in front of her.

With a bit of effort, she rose from her crouch, wincing as she felt her knees pop. "He's a handsome baby," she said to him. "I've been by to see Andromeda. Teddy- your son- looks just like you, though he does have your wife's _awful_ hair."

She was making an effort to reconcile with her sister. In the wake of Bellatrix's death, Narcissa had realized how very few family members she had remaining. Andromeda- Andy- was the eldest, and she had always emulated her. At least until Bella had said not to.

"I wish…" Narcissa trailed off and glanced down at her feet. Remus was gone, and he wasn't coming back. It hurt- _Merlin_, did it hurt- but it was an unchangeable fact.

"I never stopped loving you," she whispered finally, eyes resting on his name. "And I never will."


End file.
